I got one today - OpenTank O (O) ((O))

I got one today with a note that said,
“Miss you lots”; now, that’s a joke.
How can you miss what you never had
Or even wanted?
Maybe I’m being too unkind or
Missing all the facts: all I know is
I loved you once and probably still do.
Alone at night, I wish you’d appear
On my doorstep asking to come in;
And I’d oblige because loneliness is
Better when shared.
But you never show up
And I can’t bear to open my heart,
To have it slammed shut once again.
I’m not very perfect, though I’d like to be
And rather than shout to all the world
My insecurities,
I push them aside and strengthen my
Bleak stare of self-concern.
You’d think we live miles apart
When in fact it’s only one and a half.
And the phone that rings in my mind
Every time I consider calling is told to
Call back
When the others are through.
So why call?
It’s easier to wait for the impossible
Than to live through the usual.
A friend of ours told me to stop
Abusing you,
For us to stop abusing each other
But, I’ve never done it to hurt you:
Only in the hope you’d see how
Much I need you.
“Sometime next week,” huh?
Might as well be forever.

rjw, 4/25/87